It was a small article in PC Mag, just 157 words, that caught my eye. The new word of the year in the New Oxford American Dictionary is ‘unfriend.’
What does it mean to ‘unfriend’ someone? Are we no longer friends? Why were we friends in the first place.
The definition is obviously familiar to those who use Facebook, where the phrase originated: “To remove someone as a ‘friend’ on a social networking site such as Facebook,” the authors said. No word if the Twitter equivalent, “unfollow,” was included or referred to. (http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2355963,00.asp)
Kindergarten
We learned everything we needed to know in kindergarten, right? We learned to be polite, be honest, considerate, follow the rules, and especially make friends. However, there was no lesson plan on “unfriending.” The word wasn’t even in existence back then.
It’s now a universal term in the social networking community. Like Google users quickly coined the term “Just Google It,” social marketing people know exactly what it means “to be unfriended.” If you are using social networking for business purposes, you had better know what this term is, as well as be aware of the causes and repercussions of being “unfriended.”
Who did you unfriend this year?
How many people did you ‘unfriend’ this year? Was 2009 the year when we are a little more selective in who we invite as a friend on Facebook or other social networks?
Will you please be my friend 
Food for Thought
I have two reasons I would unfriend someone:
- Once we became friends, you harvested ALL of my contacts by spamming them with friend requests. (Yes it did happen.)
- You are constantly trying to sell me something through social media rather than building a relationship. (Yes it still happens.)
I would love to read your comments. What would make you unfriend someone?
I am President and Chief Evangelist for Vivid Image - a web design and social marketing firm located outside of Minneapolis, MN. 
It's a double edge sword isn't it …. When you consider LinkedIn, the purpose there is to build your network through relationships or connections. If you choose to block access to your connections you look silly, but when you don't and others pounce on the opportunity to befriend people they don't know or would never interact with, it gets to be frustrating. Oh well… that's the life of a social media junkie…To friend or not to friend. Have a great day!
Issues of a Connectivity Index –
Steve, back in June 09 I was "pruned from a social media manager' s LinkedIn connections. He runs a creative blog and works for a very large Insurance company in Madison WI. We had connected on Linkedin about 3 months prior to this and his moving to his new position and had not met -only exchanged some conversation. I looked forward to learning and following this person I thought to be a thought leader. He wrote a post on his very visible blog about pruning branches on LinkedIn. Then he saw fit to publish every name he removed. I eagerly read the list and found that I knew 30 of the 50 names he pruned —And there was my name as well.
The post enticed me to ask the question – Is it good etiquette when you realize you have been removed (or when the list was posted in a pubic blog with growing readership) from someones contact list to nicely ask for constructive reasons why? Its nice to have input on how you can work on aspects of our “Connectivity Index” to improve the reasons for connection or de-connection. In many cases its just lack of knowledge. he never said specifically why he pruned me. In fact he only mentioned that he got to know me a little better since I posted a response comment on his blog about this along with others. I also notified the people I knew from his list and they all called him directly and asked him to remove their names from his public list. He finally removed the names of everyone from the post.
Unrequited Linked-Love. When one side doesn’t need the relationship but the other side found value in it (no not just to see all the connections)how do you help them.
Social media to me is about sharing knowledge, mentoring helping etc in the communities you participate in or the communities your create. Its not always all about you.
I have removed two individuals so far – mostly due to leaving a job. They probably don’t have a clue. I believe that is why LinkedIn lets you do it without notification. But I am trying to build a solid social media presence, grow the right contacts, grow my connections and help others understand this area. I am learning from many and get positive reinforcement when I help someone just getting on board.
Wendy
http://xeesm.com/wendysoucie
Wendy – you are always so insightful! I am thankful for your friendship.
You first question was about etiquette when you realize you have been removed as a friend or a connection. I don't see anything wrong with contacting that person and asking why they removed you. Sounds like it worked for you!
I know I have accidentally removed people from Twitter and didn't add them back in until I realized I had not seen their tweet in awhile. If social media is about building relationships, then it should almost be expected that you should question it if you get removed.
I love your comment that "Its not always about you." Great advice!
Here is one observation I have had: Some people in your network may not be contributing, but I bet they are getting a lot out of knowing and following you. Many people may also feel uncomfortable comment withing social networking sites. They enjoy observing and getting to know you, but commenting is not where they are at yet. And that is alright. Sometime we just need to observe and listen before we engage.
Steve, just found your blog via a tweet. Great post. I am a social media manager at my job, so I think about these topics as well.
To your 2 reasons for unfriending, I have to add the less-tangible rule of "too-frequent /annoying posts," which is subjective for everyone. But I can't have my feeds clogged up with "me-me-me" blathering. It gets to Wendy's point of "it's not always about you." Especially if it's all day / every day. So that is why I have unfriended and unfollowed some people.
I think Wendy's story of Linked-In unfriending is horrifying! I think anything you say/do online better be in line with real-life etiquette. I would never publicly and personally call out someone I think shouldn't be my friend, so I'd never do it online, either.
Looking forward to reading more. Thanks!
–Kristen